Marsheemarlow
http://leane96216.blogspot.sg
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24 September 2016
Some people see me live my life as if I've got all my shit all worked out, but sadly that's not the case. I choose what I want people to see me as, however there is more to the madness. What you see is not what I see, I just let you think is what you see is what I see. Lost?
Masking.
I'm sure many people can relate to me on this superficial level of acceptance. We want to belong and be part of something, we want to be acknowledged, we want to be accepted. Yes? So we identify what are the characteristic of being a norm and you just layer yourself with all that jazz and you hypnotize yourself into thinking that that is who you are. Pathetic but its the truth.
Honestly, I've been doing this shit since the tender age of 5. I should be awarded 红心大奖 or something. I mean to keep this act up and fool everyone around you takes a lot of discipline, resilience, time and skills. Constantly adding characteristics of physical and mental attributes to be that perfect someone. I've built this skin so thick and to be told to strip it off and to be true to myself, its not easy. Its like throwing raw self into a den full of lions. To be at a disadvantage on a personal level is not where i want to be.
I don't even know myself at this point. Quater-Life-Crisis. I'm so messed up.
Insecurities. Uncertainties. Self Esteem. Identity.
All these small little insignificance do add up to this huge black ball that no matter how hard you try to subside it, its never going away. Its like your shadow, it will follow you everywhere. The only way to make it disappear is to submerge yourself into darkness. Be one with the darkness. Yet at the same time trying to juggle the things that matters in life like education, money, friends and loved ones.
Like are you fucking kidding me? I'm dying on the inside. Exhausted.
Who am I kidding. I'm trying not to shot myself.
03 August 2016
Have you every watched a show that made you bawl so much till your eyes turn red and eyelids turn all puffy and your mucus just keeps flowing from your nose. I have.
Me Before You (2016) by Thea Sharrock
.jpg) Sorry to disappoint anyone but I'm a sucker for soppy romantic movies. I cried so hard while watching "The Theory of Everything" by James Marsh (2014) during my 6hr flight to South Korea so, all is well. I recommend this movies with both of my hands high up. I'll personally rank this movie top 3 in my favorite movie of all time list. Its that good. Not sure if any male audience would like to spend almost 2hrs of their time watching something sentimental and slow paced but I'm sure most women would LOVE it. Unless you're the sort that hates this genre of Romeo and Juliet, then FUCK OFF. Yes, this movie was based off a book, same as the movie title, "Me Before You" by Jojo Moyes. Guess who is gonna download the epub version on my phone. For Thea, director of movie, props to her! This is her first debut film and she made it so well. Not sure how closely it followed the book but cinematography wise it was on point. She was able to convey the emotions that the actors portrayed to the audience, and it lingers even after the film ended. If you haven't watched this, give it a try. You might actually end up liking it more than you think. 18 April 2016
[The End]
20 March 2016
29 February 2016 - 8 March 2016
[Singapore Changi Airport T2]
A short trip to Taiwan. Basically to glorify the fact that we have finally graduated from polytechnic smoothly and closing this fun chapter of our lives. Of course! In celebration of completing our FYP and IAP. The last 24 weeks has been tough but we pulled through.
I wouldn't say this trip was the perfect graduation trip anyone can ever asked for, but I have to say the company really makes up for all the ups and downs that we experienced through this holiday. The test of "How Strong Is Your Friendship".
PS. We all got sick during this trip. A case of gastric infection/ food poisoning/ cold. Not cool, but we all experience it together that's supposingly the fun part, haha!
[At the apartment, Banqiao District]
[Shilin Night Market, 士林夜市]
[Taipei Zoo + Maokong, 台北市立動物園 + 猫空]
[Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall, 中正紀念堂]
[Jiufen, 九份老街]
[Shifen, 十分老街]
26 October 2015
You Made Me Felt Like I Was The Most Beautiful Girl In The World.
Thank You
04 August 2015
I know I'm going to be those irritating Kpop fan girl, so WARNING. If you cannot deal with it den FUCK OFF. The 'X' is just is just located the top right for windows and top left for Mac. You are free to leave. ThankYouVeryMuchie.
27 May 2015
[Singapore Changi Airport T3]
Actually I have been procrastinating to update my blog... Yknow, the trouble of transferring the image from my phone to my computer and so on... So, I have FINALLY took the time to organize my shit together, now i can update you where I have left off.
I would like to share a first time experience to you non-existing people of internet. Many may not know that I like Kpop very much cos I don't mention it anywhere. But I like Kpop a lot, 90% of my playlist is in Korean or at least sung by Korean artist. I like to call myself a "Hermit Fan Girl"
In late May, it so happens that the group that I have been so interested in for 3 years is coming to Singapore for the very first time. The tickets to their concert were no cheaper than the rest who came before them so I really thought about it. I debated on buying it since the opening of sales till the last minute. Yes guys, I bought the ticket the night before the concert.
Why did I wait till the last minute?
Well... I knew very well that there will always be this giveaway organised by companies or some associations to support such causes, so i decided to try my luck on them. Since they are FREE. All were giving away a pair of CAT 3 tickets, worth SGD$168 each, so I'm like why not? If I win, I would bring Belle along with me. But unfortunately, luck was not on my side.
Since I didn't get FREE tickets to concert and I don't want to regret anything later on. Example like not going or because of a horrible seating with bad visuals... ITS A GO BIG OR GO HOME SITUATION. I ended up purchasing CAT 1 VIP ticket for myself. It comes with a FREE shirt (Only Cat 1 VIP) and a complimentary poster (All Cat) so why not? I know its expensive to many, but to me it was so worth it.
Did I mentioned I went to the airport to pick them up? It was interesting.
29 May 2015
[Max Pavilion, Singapore EXPO]
It was an experience for me. How do you explain this... This is the first K group that I like on my own accord without any pressure from my friends. Like, back in the day when your friends introduce their favorite group music to you and then you listen to it and its kinda catchy so you psycho yourself to also like the group and their music and the people in it. Yeah~
So to me, this is very different.
Not to mention I made a friend too. We practically had the whole row to ourselves.
This is Cheryl.
Even the set up of the venue was so new to me.
This is may not the first concert that I ever been to but everything was just so overwhelming. Not to mention I paid for myself. Its just different. Everything was perfect.
The very first concert I ever been to 2NE1's New Evolution Global Tour 2012, its was FREE and I went with my god-sister. Seating was horrible, can't even see the people. Speaker was blasting my in ear, practically was deaf for a week. IT WAS SO DAMN BAD.
For VIXX LIVE FANTASIA UTOPIA SINGAPORE, I just enjoyed myself to the fullest. They sung all the song I liked right in front of me, and danced to it perfectly. I was just satisfied. Words just can't be put together to explain how I felt, its just can't be expressed.
[Ken,Ravi,Leo,Hyuk,HongBin,N]
#VixxInSG
I will definitely go for next concert in Singapore.
11 April 2015
23 March 2015 - 31 March 2015
[Incheon International Airport]
The 6 of us went on a little get away to a friendly country called South Korea. Its paradise to the females especially when you live in a state that taxes every single item on the shelves. Though the trip was a short 8 days 8 nights, we enjoyed ourselves to the fullest, creating new memories as time flies by in a blink of an eye.
Traveling to a foreign land with my BFFs has been a wish of mine ever since I was a small little girl. My parents has never been strict with me roaming the streets of Singapore in the wee hours, however out of the borders of my homeland is a whole new set of rules. This trip has just made my life worth living for. #happygirl96
Hard to believe but this is the FIRST school trip that I have ever applied for in my many years schooling since kindergarten.
Living with one another for 8 whole days not only let us understand and know each other better but unknowingly the package comes with all the quirky habits, from the good to the bad. Not forgetting about our h2h talk we have in the bed while trying to fall asleep.
Hope that there will be many more to come in the future. 
[Cheonggyecheon Stream, Seoul]
[Everland Theme Park, Yongin]
[Sunbi Town Folk Village, Yeongju]
[English Village, Paju]
08 February 2015
Stop hating on my post yo.....You know sometimes when other people's comment are so irrelevant to what you gotta say on your post, its kinda annoying. Like its my social platform and I can put whatever caption I want to put, you don't have to hate on it. Yeah, you're like my friend but still... You can just LIKE it and MOVE ON. You don't have to add a statement and be a puss about it. Come on. I don't have the time in the world to be attending to what you have to say. Though I'm not a public figure, and I'm sure they get them 100X worst than me, I like to live in my own small world. I have people who actually are nice about it. Yes, I have people that I don't like, but for the sake of REPUTATION, I follow them on their social media BUT I just skip pass them as I scroll along as a form on consideration for the other party. I don't go on rampage to prove my statement of disagreement about their content just because I don't like it. I just move on. That might just be my own opinion but other people might not think the same way as me, I'm sure they have real friends who cares about them just like I do. PS. I hate puns. They tick me off. Solution: Being ignorant is a bliss 31 December 2014
 Its finally the end of the year and its the busiest time of the year. You start and end the year off busily. LIFE. Not only its the festive season, its also year end break. 2 weeks~ Others may be hanging out with their friends during this time of the year but for me, I personally prefer to stay at home ALONE. WHY? I'm tired from all the "chores" I have to do and crowds make me uncomfortable. Its the time to recuperate and relax. I like to waste my time away during the holidays. Lay in bed and be lazy... clear my messy room at the same time, MAYBE. I like to stay within my 4 walls and not care about the rest of the world. Though that might be selfish but I do still go out maybe like 20% of the time I have. Its also the time for me to reconnect with my girlfriends especially those from primary school. Like Belle, Min and Danielle. Though we said that every term break we will meet once but its kinda hard to arrange. Well, we're at least meeting on my birthday.... Back in the day, my house used to be filled with relatives during Christmas and New Years. I always looked forward to them. But now, since my grandparents pass on, no one comes by any more. Its seems we rely on our previous generations to group us together for a meal. me and my cousins ain't that close playmates any more. Even when I do see them now, its like a "HI" "BYE" thing, no actual conversation at all. Kinda sad but we all grow up and take on different path in life. But we're still family. Maybe that's why I like to stay home during the holidays..... 15 November 2014
You know there will always be a period of time when you feel so down and depressed over every little thing? Every individual differs for it duration, mine is like the worst caste scenario. Its comes when it comes, it goes when it goes. I don't know what to do.Well, I know its not PMS for sure. My life seem to be in place for now, but I can still feel this tiny little gaping hole that cant seem to patch it up no matter what it do to it. I filled it up with all sorts of "missing" pieces to mend it, but its not going away. It has been 8 years since then. Maybe I'm just tired from so many things. But the school term just started. I think I just need some alone time to reset my functions. I have been so focused about other stuff that I have not have the time to sit myself in my room and just relax and do my thing. but when I do get the chance, there will always be someone being in the presence. Yes mom, I'm talking about you. You disrupt my peace when you decide to stay in my room even if its just 15 minutes. I feel uncomfortable having a foreign organism within the radius of 2m sleeping near me. Deal with it. Having people always surrounding me sometimes its quite nauseating. Anxiety problems. I need some ME time and not "I need to do project" "I need to be at this place" "my mother is coming over" or "I need to do this or that" This is all driving me crazy. I wont be surprise if one day I do become crazy. I feel like going back into my shell for a week to reboot and clear all the JUNK there is to clear. I cant cope with that shit jamming my systems. This week was bad. I didnt get me LEANE time. Its friday and its the first out of the whole week. |
Watashi desu
 Leane Caesarea Lim Yi Xuan 3rd January 1996 Singaporean || 21 Singapore Institute of Management Email me if you need anything: leanelim@hotmail.com LOVESLOVESLOVES❤
V.I.X.X
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