02 January 2013
Happy New Year! Finally having some time to update. Well, 2012 has finally ended and it was a horrific year i have to say. It was filled with tears, sadness, loneliness, confusion and just a little happiness. Since finally 2013 has started... I should try to make the better out of it. I'll TRY.
But speaking of trying, 2013 didn't really start out the way i hoped it will be. It started off BADLY. It was filled with anger, disappointments, loneliness and tears. Maybe a little happiness. The part that i felt thankful and rather delighted was when they brought out a cake to celebrate my birthday. Awkward much but am thankful and grateful. Though i don't fancy cakes and birthday songs. I just don't feel comfortable even for that 15 seconds. After that i just lost control over my emotions, i hid myself away as i was being left out and treated as if i was invisible in a house filled with people. From that experience, i realize i don't fit into that "world" and i just could take it and just left literally.
I dont understand why the hell did i put myself in that situation. I tried to fit in but...
I left and went to look for my other friends who actually like my presence. I left in tears and frustration without anyone noticing. The moment i turned my back and walked a few steps i felt so badly hurt and torn. The feeling of loneliness just came crashing.
I walked as fast as i could to avoid any detection. In fact, I ran. Wiped my tears away and face reality. Met up with my other group of friends at a nearby KPT, thank god i didn't have to take any form of public transport i just had to walk. As i sat at the table as they had supper, i couldn't stop myself from tearing up. I just had a cup of ice kosong. Didn't had the appetite to eat anything. Immediately i went to hide in the darkness of the night at the playground as my friends and the smaller kids played. I sat there alone tearing up in the dark.
I have a couple of boys whom im close to... They noticed right away i wasn't myself the whole night. This boy asked, "Why? What happened? Dont Cry!" i just waterfalled. Just by thinking about it is so difficult to contain these emotions. Explaining as i cried even more, he was so sweet to console me.
Yeah i cried my heart out and still am still a little frustrated. But i cant do much can i? I'm just gonna sweep under the carpet and pretend none of that actually happened.
Special thanks to MushroomShawn for listening to me out, HandsomeBrandon for giving the warmest hugs, CuteAloy for trying to cheer me up, CharismaticEdmund for silently lending me his shoulders and OptimisticKenneth for countless of things he has done for me. They can just turn my day/night/afternoon 180 degrees for the better or the worst... Not forgetting Julian for the cake and his mom for the food.
I've had my regrets but i've found my happiness.